


The Space Between Decembers

by extraneous_accessories



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extraneous_accessories/pseuds/extraneous_accessories
Summary: “Thank god,” he whispers, voice tight with his emotion, “oh, thank god.”It’s a few moments before he has himself back together, and when he returns to himself, it’s to the sound of gentle applause somewhere in the darkness behind him. The spin around on the bench wrenches at his neck, but it’s his heart that stops when he sees Luke standing at the foot of the altar, just inside the circle of light cast by the grand’s lamp. Poe’s shocked to see the track of tears shining on his face.For a moment, he can’t say anything at all. Then, whether from guilt and Luke’s obvious emotion, or his own embarrassment, the first words out of his mouth are an apology.“I’m sorry, Father, I...I didn’t know you were here.”
Relationships: Jessika Pava/Rey, Poe Dameron/Luke Skywalker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	The Space Between Decembers

**December 21st, 2016 <\b>**

**In all his life, Poe has never imagined interviewing for a job in an antique scarlet armchair. The steaming mug of tea at his elbow is also a surreal novelty. The fact that both of these things are placed with great care in the baroque study of the Bishop of Coruscant is something he has decided to cope with later. Right now, he needs a job, and the footsteps creaking down the hall toward him belong to the man he needs to convince to let him have one.**

**He takes a deep breath, hoping that a trip down his trouser legs will rid his palms of their nervous sweat. He’s stood alone on stages in half the greatest concert halls in the world, but the prospect of convincing a wrinkly old priest to hire him as music director leaves him shaking. The door clicks open. He looks up, and the interview goes immediately from bad to worse.**

**The bishop is not a wrinkled old raisin, but instead a compact man of middle age whose smile lights up his lopsided face like a beacon on a dark night. Poe swallows hard and forces his body back under control so he can rise to shake the bishop’s hand.**

**“Thank you for seeing me, sir.” He takes a measure of comfort from the false steadiness of his own voice.**

**“I assure you, Mr. Dameron, the pleasure is all mine! I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an impressive resumé in all my time in this parish. Please, do sit down.”**

**Poe sinks gratefully back into the embrace of the armchair. Now that he’s successfully faced a handshake with an attractive man in a terrible cardigan, he feels his heart rate begin to return to normal levels. “Now tell me,” continues the bishop, “what is it, exactly, that makes you want to use your considerable musical talent to accompany worship in this cathedral?”**

**Poe’s heart jumps again. He’s been prepping answers to interview questions for days, convinced that he’s hopelessly under-qualified...”I-I’m sorry?”**

**The bishop smiles again, his blue eyes twinkling. “Though I could hardly be called cultured, I have certainly heard the name of the city’s most sought after baritone, Mr. Dameron. You could be earning three times what I can pay you from the Coruscant Opera Company, so what brings you to my office in search of a pay cut and a labour increase?”**

**“Uh...”**

**Spiritual seeking? Stability? Community engagement?**

**“I’m broke, and...sick.” He feels the twisting begin in his chest as he fights back the tears he’s been holding down for six weeks. “I would love to be working for the opera, Father Skywalker,” he continues, unable to keep his voice from shaking this time, “but I’m already disobeying my surgeon’s orders by talking to you today. I’m hardly in shape to sing.” The scratch in his throat is coming already, he can feel it, but he tries to ignore it and concentrate on the bishop’s reply.**

**“Ah, I see. So it is through your suffering that we are able to receive this great blessing.” The bishop’s face was grave, and the kindness in his eyes nearly cracked Poe’s reserve open wide. “It would be my great honour to offer you the position of musical director here at Holy Cross, Mr. Dameron. Naturally, I would not expect you to take on any choral duties, in consideration of your illness, but it would be a great service to me if you would be able to assist in choosing music for services as well as accompanying worship. I’m afraid our last accompanist was rather set in his ways, and it has been a very long time since the congregation has heard any new music. When are you able to start?”**

**With difficulty, Poe resists saying ‘this afternoon’. “I can start as soon as you like, sir.”**

**The bishop waves a dismissive hand, “Oh, there’s really no need for the ‘sir’. I have more titles than I need already. Please just call me Luke.”**

**Poe nods, his chest full of something he can’t quite name. “Then, as soon as you need me, Luke.”**

**The bishop beams, nearly leaping from his chair. “Excellent! Then you can come by my office tomorrow and we can choose music for our Christmas Eve service. And, you know, take a tour of the cathedral and everything.”**

**Poe stands, his legs shaking slightly. “Thank you,” he says, “I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow.” This time, when they shake hands, Poe is able to appreciate the firmness of the priest’s grip, and the comfort it brings.**

****February 7th, 2017 <\b>** **

****“You’re fucking _what <\i>?” Snap’s exclamation causes every head in Solo’s to turn toward them. Poe looks down at his latte, colour rising to his cheeks. _** **

****_“I said I’m working in a church,” he murmured. He’s been to see Dr. Kalonia again and she’s given him the green light for talking, but the habit of soft speaking has been hard to break._ ** **

****_“I don’t believe it,” Snap declares. “Don’t they say people like us are going to hell? You know, the drinking and singing and licentious theatre behaviour?” He gives his espresso a delicate sniff, “and besides, church music is so boring! And you’d have to listen to all those old people singing along off beat and out of key.”_ ** **

****_These things are completely true, but Poe just shrugs. “It’s not so bad.”_ ** **

****_Snap gives him one of his long, piercing looks. “It is, I can see it all over your face. So, how long before you get released from purgatory and come back to the opera?”_ ** **

****_Poe’s throat tightens. “I’m honestly not sure if I can ever come back. Dr. Kalonia says things are looking good, but she won’t make any promises. She’s told me I need to find a speech therapist soon, so I can practice using these...new vocal folds.”_ ** **

****_“New? Didn’t they just laser callouses off the old ones?”_ ** **

****_“Uh...yeah. Sort of. But she says they’re tender still, and if I don’t start learning new technique before I go back, I’ll just end up with nodules again.”_ ** **

****_Snap shivers. They all shiver when he talks about his surgery, all of his opera friends. They don’t mean to, of course, they just can’t help it. He’s going through every singer’s worst nightmare, and they would never say it, but they’re all glad it’s him and not them._ ** **

****_“So instead of coming out to the symphony with me, you’re going to go to a draughty old mausoleum and play scales for hours?”_ ** **

****_Poe laughs. “Yeah, pretty much. Service is tomorrow and I’ve already been slacking off this week. I need to work out what kind of prelude I’m going to do. Who knows, I might even get up the courage to try the organ if there’s no one around.”_ ** **

****_“Don’t want to embarrass yourself?” Snap teases._ ** **

****_“Nah, I just don’t want to injure anyone’s eardrums when I open her up to see what she can do,” Poe replies with a grin._ ** **

****_*_ ** **

****_Saturday nights are usually empty, at least they have been when he’s come in to cram before. Luke is always done his sermon at least two days early-Poe’s convinced he starts as soon as he’s delivered the last one-and the secretary leaves at three, so he has the place to himself._ ** **

****_He lets himself in by the side door and changes into his playing shoes before making his way to the sanctuary. In sunlight, the place shimmers with the multicoloured glow of stained glass, but Poe prefers it at night, lit only by the reading lamp over his shoulder. He can feel it begin to take shape in the dark around him as he starts his warmup, scales and arpeggios twining around the pillars and brushing lightly over the ancient tapestries._ ** **

****_The grand piano is old by most standards, but for performance she’s just entering her prime, and Poe can’t help but smile as he moves on from his technical work to his practice pieces. He plays them to start every practice, using the familiar patterns and forms to get in closer touch with the instrument. After two months of daily practice, she’s finally stopped trying to trip him up in his sonata, and now that they’re working better together, the Chopin has started to ring against the stone walls like a call to prayer._ ** **

****_Once he’s finished the routine pieces, he starts to play around with his prelude and offering pieces. He wrapped the recessional up days ago, but these two have been fighting him every step of the way. The problem, he concludes after a frustrating half hour, is that these improvisations just aren’t meant to be played on a single keyboard. Much as he’s fallen in love with the grand, the organ is calling his name, and, since he has the place to himself, he gives in to the pressure._ ** **

****_If he’s honest with himself, he’s been aching to play the stately lady since he first saw it on his tour of the church with Luke. He’s seen plenty of gorgeous instruments in his time, in churches all over the world, but there’s something about this one’s simplicity and grace that appeals to him. There’s a gravity in the slight tarnish on her pipes, and comfort in the shine on her pedals where the previous player’s feet have polished the dark wood._ ** **

****_The bench feels like it’s been made for him. Exactly the right height, letting him comfortably reach all three keyboards without forcing his feet away from the pedals. The velvet on the cushion is slightly worn, but still soft, and he takes a moment to settle in and appreciate the perfection. He’s been waiting for this for weeks, waiting until he was ready. Until he was worthy. His fingers reach toward the keys, hovering just over them, uncertain. Organ is the closest thing he’s ever had to voice, the only sound that lifts his soul and whirls it around until it feels like it will burst from his body. He feels his heart pounding painfully against his ribs. What if he’s out of practice? What if it doesn’t sound...like that? What if he never feels that incredible, fierce joy again? If he can never feel like he’s singing again?  
A lump rises in his throat and he takes a slow, deep breath. _ ** **

****_It will be alright. All he has to do is take things for a test run. He just has to touch it, introduce himself, there’s no need to get to the emotional stage right away. Slowly, carefully, as if the keys are made of fragile glass, he guides himself through an A major scale, his favourite. Every finger of his right hand seems to know the shape of the keys before they touch, and when the sound rings out through the cathedral, he feels a little tremor run through his arms, raising goosebumps in its wake._ ** **

****_He takes it a step further, adding the left hand and splitting the scale in two, both hands travelling different paths, twining and separating like lovers. When he adds the pedals, the low, resonant tones reverberate through his body until the scale ends. Its echoes float around him. As they die away, he feels tears well in his eyes. He knows. He can just sense the feeling, a few inches out of reach, sitting softly under his sternum, waiting to be released from its long imprisonment._ ** **

****_He waits until his breathing has slowed down again before he pulls a battered score out of his bag. It’s been ages, but the notes greet him as old friends. Franck’s Chorale 3 in A minor. The first piece he ever played on the decrepit organ in the tiny Catholic church he was raised in._ ** **

****_When he coaxes the first few hesitant notes from the page into sound, it’s as if he played it only yesterday. By the second measure, he lays into it with a passion he had thought he’d forgotten. It’s everything he’s been hoping for on his first tour of the magnificent instrument. Quick, elegant runs that rattle around the sanctuary, full, open chords that let her open up all the way and touch him in his bones. And, of course, the soft, sensual passages that let him get acquainted with her, reacquainted with himself._ ** **

****_All the while, the feeling grows inside him, that rushing tide that he’s been holding back behind cast iron gates, all of his grief, his fear, his uncertainty. The piece pulls it all out of him in a twelve minute musical exorcism that leaves him hunched into himself on the bench, sobbing like a child._ ** **

****_“Thank god,” he whispers, voice tight with his emotion, “oh, thank god.”_ ** **

****_It’s a few moments before he has himself back together, and when he returns to himself, it’s to the sound of gentle applause somewhere in the darkness behind him. The spin around on the bench wrenches at his neck, but it’s his heart that stops when he sees Luke standing at the foot of the altar, just inside the circle of light cast by the grand’s lamp. Poe’s shocked to see the track of tears shining on his face._ ** **

****_For a moment, he can’t say anything at all. Then, whether from guilt and Luke’s obvious emotion, or his own embarrassment, the first words out of his mouth are an apology._ ** **

****_“I’m sorry, Father, I...I didn’t know you were here.”_ ** **

****_Luke says nothing, so he rushes on, the words tumbling out of his mouth as he tries to ignore the fact that Luke, still wearing his ridiculous cardigan, is walking up the steps toward him. “I just thought I’d test out the organ, see how she-how it worked. I didn’t think I’d be disturbing anyone, I hope I wasn’t bothering you, I...I didn’t know you were, uh...that you liked organ. O-or maybe you didn’t like it, if you didn’t I’m sorry, it wasn’t my best playing, it’s been years since I’ve touched the organ, I’m out of practice, I know, I guess I’ll have to ease myself into it, it...it might...it might...”_ ** **

****_The words dry up as Luke crosses the patch of shadow between them and steps into Poe’s circle of light. Silence, tense and hot, stretches between them, and it’s all Poe can do to keep himself on the bench, stop himself from running as far away as he can, to escape the...the thing he sees in Luke’s eyes. Such pain there, such loss. It’s as though all the feeling he poured out in his playing has found itself trapped behind those eyes to look back at him. Shame curls tight around his belly and he drops his gaze to the floor._ ** **

****_He feels Luke’s hand come to rest on his shoulder. “I don’t know about how well you were playing, not technically. I’m not a musician at all, but...” he pauses, and the break pulls Poe’s eyes up toward his face. “But I know a soul in torment when I hear one, Poe.”_ ** **

****_The treacherous tears well in Poe’s eyes again and he cuffs them away._ ** **

****_“I don’t know what you’re going through,” Luke continues, his voice soft and warm, “and I don’t want to force you to confide in me, I know I’m not your priest. But I think-at least I hope-that I may be your friend. And I want you to know that, as your friend, I’m here to listen and feel this pain with you whenever you need me.” This time, the tears that flood Poe’s vision are tears of gratitude. He can’t find the words, doesn’t know what to do with this kindness, but he reaches up and lays his hand on Luke’s hoping, for once, that his feelings are written on his face._ ** **

****_**March 1st, 2017 <\b>** _ ** **

****_**Speech therapy, Poe decides, is one of the  
most excruciating forms of torture known to mankind. He marches through the slush on the sidewalk, every step burning his frustration deeper into him. It isn’t that he has an awful therapist, or that the work is especially difficult. It’s just that it’s so. Fucking. Slow. Six months since his surgery, two since he started treatment, and today, miracle of miracles, he’s graduated from a hum to an open vowel. ** _ ** **

****_**“Fucking wonderful,” he mutters, kicking at a rock. It skitters away, bouncing off a fire hydrant and cutting a dent into the side of a flashy red sports car parked by the curb in front of the church. “Just fucking _wonderful <\i>.”_** _ ** **

****_**_At least he gets to follow his treatment sessions with Ms. Gallia with music selection. It’s become a comfortable time for him, sitting in Luke’s comfy office chair, leafing through hymn books and old scores, looking for something to liven up the slowly dwindling congregation of Holy Cross. By Wednesday, Luke usually has his sermon fleshed out a bit, and they sit together in front of the fire and talk themes, biblical exegetics and, of course, music._ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke never mentions the night he heard him practicing, and Poe hasn’t been able to bring himself around to the topic. It’s too real, too raw, and his time with Luke feels so much like medicine that he doesn’t want to spoil it with talking about everything that’s gone wrong in his life. It isn’t that he’s avoiding the topic, just that he loves to see Luke laugh, to hear him joke about scripture and cats, and just...feel normal. The hours in the office are precious, and he can’t bear to waste them._ ** _ ** **

****_**_Today, however, the time is spoiled before he even arrives. He’s hanging up his scarf and coat by the office when he suddenly hears raised voices coming from the study. To his surprise, one of them is Luke’s. He hesitates, then turns into the secretary’s office. Seethree is sitting at her desk, fingers flying over her keyboard, but she looks up when Poe walks in, her eyebrows pasted upward in her habitual air of mild surprise._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Oh! Mr. Dameron! How lovely to see you! I wasn’t expecting you till half past three!”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Yeah, they let me out early for good behaviour.” Poe pulls a wry grin and slumps down into one of the waiting room chairs. “Is Father going to be a long time in there?” He jerks his head toward the study._ ** _ ** **

****_**_Seethree’s smooth face bunches up in a tight frown. “It’s difficult to say,” she replies, even more stiffly than usual. “Young Mr. Solo is in there, so it may be some time, or none at all. It has already descended to shouting, so I doubt it will be long now.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_The words leave her mouth and, in the next heartbeat, the door to the study slams open and a tall, lanky young man with a face like a boot storms down the hallway and out the side door, letting it bang shut behind him._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Huh. He looks a little on the angry side.” Tired squeal outside and he winces, thinking of the flashy red sports car out front. “And sounds a little on the stupid side.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Seethree lets out a slight huff, the ultimate expression of displeasure. “Mr. Solo has the manners of a goat,” she pronounces. “If it wasn’t for his mother, I think Father Luke would refuse to see him.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“His mother?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Oh yes, the Father’s sister, Ms Leia. Such a wonderful lady. How that dried up hobgoblin ever slithered from such a beauty is beyond me.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe coughs, trying to cover his laughter at Seethree’s prim venom. “I’d better go on in.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“If you like,” Seethree replies, turning back to her computer, “but I doubt he’ll be in the mood for music. More likely in the mood for a fight. Let me know if you want tea.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_That’s the first danger sign. Luke always has the tea made when he gets here. Always._ ** _ ** **

****_**_The second sign is the thick silence that rolls out of the study in waves. It makes him shiver, but he steps across the threshold anyway, knocking softly as he enters._ ** _ ** **

****_**_The third sign, because bad things always come in threes, is Luke sitting at his desk, resting his head in his hands, so still he could be carved from stone._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Hello, Luke,” Poe murmurs. The sandy head doesn’t move. “If this is a bad time, I can come back later. Or bring you some tea. If you like.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Or something. Anything at all to break through this Luke that he doesn’t recognize. When there’s no answer, he moves quietly toward the door. Perhaps tomorrow will be better._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Please, don’t go.” The misery in Luke’s voice stops him, and he turns back._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Okay.” He isn’t sure what to do instead, and Luke still isn’t moving, so he sits in his usual armchair and waits._ ** _ ** **

****_**_He’s awful at waiting. He sits anyway, for what seems like ages, until Luke looks up at him. There are tears in his eyes, and he looks so much like a kicked puppy that Poe feels the overwhelming urge to hug him. He doesn’t. He just waits._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Poe, may I ask you something?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Sure.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“And will you promise to give me an honest answer?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Um...I’ll do my best, yes.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Am I...am I a bad man? Have I gone down the wrong path?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe’s so shocked that the words are out of his mouth before he has time to think them all the way through. “What? Fuck, no. What would even make you think that?” Then, remembering the glowering young man, he feels a surge of anger. “What did that punk say to you, Luke?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke sighs heavily. “It’s a very long story.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe recovers himself this time. “Oh. I’m sorry, you don’t need to tell me, I was just surprised at the question. Thinking of you as bad is such a ridiculous image, I... I just got a bit carried away.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_He’s rewarded for his awkward efforts by a very small, tired smile. “No, no, it’s fine.” Luke’s hands finally drop to the table. “I, uh...I wouldn’t mind talking about it, actually, if you’ve got the space in your heart for listening to family drama?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Yeah, of course. Just let me get Seethree to make some tea first.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_It is, as promised, a long story. Luke tells it in halting phrases at first, holding his tea cup like a shield as he talks about his sister’s marriage to his best friend._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“She worked away a lot. And Han was always busy running the café. I think it felt like a dream to him, finally solvent enough to own his own business, being on his own feet financially. It was like a miracle for him, and he poured his heart and soul into the place. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but I think, in the process of working himself to an early grave, he was a very absent father. Ben grew up with some...less desirable influences, and by the time Leia recognized them for what they were, I don’t think there was anything she could do to get rid of them.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke sighs, running a hand through his hair as he looks at the fire. “I know I’m going off down the garden path, I just...I want to know _why_, Poe. I want to know how two of the most amazing people I know could have raised this...this angry, violent man. And if I was the one that gave him the final push.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_He leans back in the armchair, staring up at the ceiling. “He’d come to live with me in the priory when his mother was away, after his father died. I want to think that I did the best I could to teach him what it means to be kind, generous, and accepting of others. I tried to show him love and give him my trust, but...I don’t think it was enough. I couldn’t ignore the facts in front of me. He would steal, just little things at first, then more. And he would lie. Every second phrase was a lie. I didn’t know what to do. I think, now, that I should have fought Leia harder to get him seen by a psychiatrist, to get him some help, but I didn’t. He wasn’t my son. So we carried on, and I tried my best to give him boundaries, structure, consistency, all those things children need. And then one day he asked me how he could become a priest.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke pauses, taking a long pull from his tea. “I didn’t know what to say. How could I recommend this boy to the priesthood? Just the thought of him being responsible for someone’s spiritual health made me feel sick. So I told him he should look for another career. He was...very angry. He told his mother he was old enough to stay alone when she was away, that he was never coming back here again. I think she tried to talk to him, but somehow talking to Ben always ends up in a shouting match. So he left. And went into seminary on his own.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke’s teacup makes a small clink as he sets it down on the little coffee table. He shrinks back into the chair. “He was here today to ask me for a letter of recommendation for a parish out in Tatooine. I said no. He...well, he said a lot of things, none of them good. I think he was trying to bring my sins back to haunt me.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke’s voice dies away into the crackling of the fire._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“And did he succeed?” Poe asks._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I really don’t know. But it helped to talk about it.” The little half smile returns as Luke looks over at him. “Thanks for listening.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“You’re welcome. I’m sorry the talk today didn’t go as well as you were hoping.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Yeah. So how was your day, before you got to this house of delight?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe laughs. “Well, I can’t say it was great. Frustrating, actually.” He feels the tension creeping back into his neck as he thinks about his session with Ms. Gallia. He almost speaks over it, then remembers his homework and takes a slow, open breath, letting all those little muscles relax. “I think I just want this whole process to go faster than it’s going. And I’m afraid of what it will be like at the end.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke smiles over at him, then looks out at the slowly darkening sky. “Sounds like you could do with a little listening as well. Look, why don’t we go over to the priory and you can stay for dinner?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Will there be communion wine?” Poe teases._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I mean, I can bless my table wine, if you like?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Sure, that’ll be just fine. Does blessing it make it taste better?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke rolls his eyes as he puts on his jacket. “Just get your coat, heathen.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_*_ ** _ ** **

****_**_The table wine is good, and Luke even blesses it. They eat with it, of course, but Poe can still feel it go to his head, loosening his tongue and dulling the sting as he tells Luke about his surgery._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“The surgeon keeps telling me it’ll be fine, that I’m healing up nicely, I just...nodules are the thing everyone is most afraid of. There are so many singers who have had this surgery done and they’ve never been able to sing again. I know I’m making progress, I can feel the change, it’s just that every time I have a tough session, or feel that tightness in my throat, I can’t shake the thought of what my life will look like if I don’t get better. About...” he feels the lump rise in his throat and takes a breath before trying to speak past it, “about what it will feel like to never really sing again.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke is quiet, just sitting across the table from him. Poe blinks rapidly, willing himself not to cry. “I dream about it sometimes. It scares the hell out of me, Luke. It’s...it’s part of the reason relearning to play the organ is so important to me-it’s the only thing that feels even close.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I can’t say that I understand, but I’m glad you’ve found something close.” Luke’s hand closes over his. “I hope working here has made things better, and not worse.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe gives his hand a squeeze. “It’s so much better, you have no idea. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I didn’t have this place, all this music...you.” Just for a moment, he’s sure Luke’s blushing, but then it’s gone and Luke’s getting up from the table._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I’m glad. Would you like some tea? More wine? Comfier chairs? There’s just the couch, but it’s better than the dining set.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Comfort sounds like a trap, but I’ll definitely have more of that holy wine.” Poe can feel a pleasant buzz tingling under his skin, and it only grows as they sit on Luke’s ancient couch, talking about God, life, and the world until the fire has burned low in the grate and the dark has closed in for good._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I think,” he pronounces with exaggerated care, “that I might be drunk.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke laughs, “I think you might be right.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“In all inebriated seriousness, though,” Poe yawns, “I should definitely call a cab.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I can, if you like, or you could always stay here. I’ve got a spare room here somewhere. I think there’s even a bed under the boxes.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_There is indeed a bed and, with copious amounts of laughter and stumbling around, they manage to get it cleared off and made up. The women’s league has supplied a collection of knitted and crocheted blankets that smell of must and incense, and the pillow is a little on the hard side, but it’s better than a cab ride across Coruscant at one in the morning._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Sleep as long as you like,” Luke says, hand on the door, ready to close it behind him, “I don’t have anything to do tomorrow except write, and I’m happy to put that off as long as possible.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_They’re close, standing at the door together, close enough that Poe can feel Luke’s heat in the cool room. He’s not sure if it’s the fullness of his heart, or just the wine singing in his blood, but he reaches out and takes Luke’s hand off the door._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Look, I know priests are...well, off limits, and I won’t mention it again if you don’t want me to, but...” his voice catches a little as Luke steps closer, “But I want you to know that I like you. Like, a lot. I mean, in the ‘I’d happily kiss you if you wanted me to’ kind of way, not just the ‘you’re a fantastic person and a great friend’ kind of way. I don’t want to make things awkward between us, I just-“_ ** _ ** **

****_**_His words die as Luke leans close, kissing him so gently that he doesn’t realize it’s happened until it’s over. Luke’s voice is soft in his ear._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I’m glad you told me.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“And...the thing about priests being off limits?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“According to the second Alderaanian Congress last year, I’m not off limits to anyone anymore.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe heart pounds in his chest. “Does that...does that mean I could try kissing you again?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“If you want to, yes.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“I do, very much.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_So he does. Slowly, carefully, taking his time to explore the way it feels to have Luke’s mouth on his, to be in his arms, to feel him...pull away. Poe comes back to the present with an unpleasant rush. They’re both breathing heavily, and the only thing he wants is more, but Luke puts a hand on his chest, gently but firmly holding him back._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Poe, this is...this feels incredibly nice, but...we’ve both been drinking, and you’ve been drinking rather a lot. I think we should both go to sleep, but...can we talk about this again? In the morning, when we’re both sober and of sound mind?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_It’s a good idea, Poe knows it is, so as much as his whole body aches to be closer to Luke, he nods and steps away, back into the cold room. “You’re right. Let’s talk about it tomorrow. Good night.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Good night.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_The door clicks shut, and he’s alone.  
*_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe wakes the next morning to the sound of dishes clanking outside his door and the delicious smell of fresh coffee. He opens his eyes in an unfamiliar room, momentarily disoriented until the memories of the night before trickle back into his mind. The long talk. The wine. The...other thing._ ** _ ** **

****_**_Somehow, sober in the soft morning light, he can’t believe it actually happened. Kissing priests isn’t something well brought up opera singers do, but the memory feels so perfect, so right...he resolves to consider the problem once he has his pants on._ ** _ ** **

****_**_He hardly gets a chance. Once he opens the bedroom door, sort of dressed in his jeans and undershirt, a cup of coffee is thrust into his hands by a very contrite Luke._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Poe, I owe you an apology.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Poe blinks. “Uh...what for?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“For last night.” Luke’s words come out in a rush, like he’s been rehearsing them for hours and is afraid of getting them wrong. “We’d both been drinking and I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was really awful hosting behaviour, and I need to apologize.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Um...okay.” Poe rubs his eyes, trying to catch up. Then he frowns. “So...does that mean that you didn’t want to? Kiss me, I mean?” His stomach lurches at the thought._ ** _ ** **

****_**_“No!” Even Luke looks surprised at his vehemence on the point. He clears his throat, blushing furiously. “No, it isn’t that, I...I really did want to, I just...”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Then I accept your apology. Can I wake up a little bit before we talk about if we’d like to do more than kiss each other?”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_Luke laughs in relief, and something inside Poe turns to bubbling gold. “Sure. Let’s eat first. I made some waffles.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**_“Amazing.”_ ** _ ** **

****_**** _ ** **

****_**_**May 19th, 2017 <\b>** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Okay, Poe, I think that’s it. Do you have any questions for me? Anything else we need to chat about?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Adi Gallia’s empty blue eyes look just to the left of Poe’s face. It doesn’t bother him anymore. Today, he hardly even notices, he’s so floored by the session they just had.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Uh...I think I might just need some...I don’t know, some time to process this, Adi. I...” Tears prickle the corners of his eyes, and he brushes them away. “I honestly didn’t think we’d get here.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“I know.” Adi smiles, “Good thing you don’t have to believe me when I give you prognostic predictions. Remember, though, baby steps. I just want you to start with vocalises and light melody on vowels. Don’t go out and start singing arias right away. It will take time to incorporate this new technique into old singing habits.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Right. Yeah, of course. I’ll be careful.” The words are on autopilot. He can’t hardly think for the joy that’s bubbling up inside him. He can sing.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“I know you will, Poe. That’s why we’ve gotten this far, is because you’ve been so engaged in your own recovery. I know it hasn’t been an easy road these last few months, and it will still be hard for awhile, but I want you to remember that you got yourself here. I just helped a little along the way.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“You helped a lot,” Poe says with feeling, remembering the number of times he’s cried in treatment. “Award for Speech Therapist of the year, definitely goes to Ms. Adi Gallia.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Oh, stop, you ridiculous man. Now, anything else? Or can I photocopy your homework and kick you out?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Poe’s grin stretched far enough across his face, he thought it would split in half. “Nope, that sounds great.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_***** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**He walks on air all the way back to the church, skipping his apartment altogether, as he’s been doing for weeks now. He doesn’t even stop to chat with Seethree which, in hindsight, might have been a good idea, he just rushes down the corridor to Luke’s office and flings the door open.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Luke! She told me I can sing!”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**The words ring in the silence. Luke is sitting at his desk, looking up at him with his mouth half open. Across the desk from him are two very shocked looking young ladies.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Oh, God, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in a meeting, I’ll come back la-“** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**He doesn’t make it through the sentence before Luke is across the room, crushing him in a hug. “Oh, Poe, that’s amazing!” The kiss on his cheek feels just about as good as sharing the news. “Totally worth the interruption. I want you to tell me all about it, can you stick around?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Yeah, I’ve got a free day, it’s fine.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**He looks over Luke’s shoulder to the two ladies. “Sorry for the interruption.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**One of them grins, “No worries, we’re happy to delay the marriage talk as long as possible.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Luke pulls away, trying to restore his serious face as he straightens his jacket. “Yes, thank you for reminding me. By the way, Poe, this is my niece Rey and her partner Jess.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Jess gives a little wave and Rey stands up to shake his hand, her eyes dancing. “So you’re Uncle Luke’s person?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Poe flushes a little. They haven’t really discussed what this is, at least not since the waffles. He opens his mouth, but Luke takes his hand and comes to his rescue. “Yes, he is.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Dude, that’s awesome! I’ve been dying to meet you, you sound amazingly cool.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Uh, thanks,” Poe says with a laugh, “though I’m not sure that’s 100% true.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“I mean, you couldn’t hang with my uncle if you weren’t at least a little cool.” Rey says with a shrug.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Luke squeezes his hand and gives him an encouraging smile. “I think we’d better get back to the counselling before we’re hopelessly distracted.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Rey sighs and rolls her eyes. “Sure.” Her wicked grin flashes out once more. “Seriously, though, wicked to meet you, Poe.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Thanks.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**He’s Luke’s person. He can sing. The two thoughts circle around in his head as he walks back to the priory and he can’t wipe the grin off his face. The joy of them tingles in his spine and down every limb, which has the unfortunate side effect of making it impossible for him to sit still.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Marriage counselling apparently takes longer than most meetings, because Poe’s cleaned the priory, baked a batch of oatmeal cookies, put meat in the oven for supper, and is in the middle of mixing muffin batter when Luke finally comes back.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**He stands in the doorway and stares. “I don’t think this place has been this clean in its whole life.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Poe looks around. “I guess dusting all of your bookshelves might have been a little excessive,” he admits.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Maybe just a little.” Like lays his coat over a chair and comes into the kitchen. “You have batter on your face.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Oh,” Poe takes a swipe at his chin.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“You missed. Here, let me.” Luke’s fingers are cool from the walk over in the rain. Poe shivers. He’s touched Luke a lot in the last few weeks, gotten used to being close to him, but something still unravels inside him every time.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“So,” he asks, suddenly unsure, “I’m your person?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**A slight frown puckers Luke’s forehead. “I...only if you want to be. I know we haven’t really talked about it, I just...you’re here a lot and...I know you’re just staying in the spare room, but...”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Poe’s sure his face is just the same brick red as Luke’s, but he tries his best to forge ahead. “I think I would like to be your person,” he whispers, taking Luke’s hand, “Quite a lot, actually.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Okay.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Now they’re both grinning like idiots, and all Poe can feel is this strange rising sensation in his chest, like if he took a deep enough breath he could fly.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“So does this mean I finally get to hear your singing voice?” Luke asks.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Being your person?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“No! Your session!”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Right! Uh...probably not today,” Poe replies, feeling the tension in his chest and throat. “I think I’m too excited, I won’t be able to relax.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“No, I guess not. I don’t think you’ve stopped smiling since I got home.” Luke lays a hand on his cheek, and Poe’s stomach turns into a flight of swallows as their lips meet. He marvels at how every kiss feels like the first one all over again, at how _good_ it is to be just right here.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“Are you going to put these in the oven, or just leave them on the counter?” Luke murmurs.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“I had planned to put them in the oven, but you’re distracting me.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Luke pulls him closer, nestling into his chest. His voice is hesitant, muffled by Poe’s sweater. “We can still...you know...take it slow, right?”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Poe smiles, placing a kiss on Luke’s forehead. “Yeah, of course we can.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Chastity’s a new thing for him, something he’d always thought was a waste of time when you liked someone, but with Luke it’s different. It feels like a slowly building crescendo, each small touch promising unknown delights to come. It feels natural, right.** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**“I think you drive the intimacy bus,” he adds, “which is probably for the best, since I’ve never actually driven the bus before, just kind of ridden it off the cliff.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_**Luke looks up at him with a smile that turns him to soft caramel on the inside.  
“I’ll try not to drive us into a ditch then.”** _ ** _ ** **

****_**__ ** _ ** **

****_**_****August 27th, 2017 <\b>** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****“You still haven’t slept with him?” Snap hisses across the table at him, eyes wide, “Dude, you practically _live <\i> there!”_** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Poe smirks into his coffee. “Do you sleep with Wedge?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Snap’s deep blush is satisfying. “That’s different,” he grumbles, “Wedge is just a roommate.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Sure he is,” Poe smiles. “And so is Luke.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“A roommate you’re dating?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Yeah.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Snap sighs and shakes his head. “You’re crazy, Dameron.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Poe shrugs. “Whatever. You just wish you were dating your roommate.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Snap chokes on his coffee and the resulting coughing fit brings tears to his eyes. “That’s not true,” he croaks._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“You’re a liar, but I still like you,” Poe says with a grin. “So how are rehearsals for Turandot?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Snap rolls his eyes. “It’s a train wreck, of course, it always is. Mara Jade threw her script at Windu last week and they haven’t been talking since. Makes it hard for him to give her any instructions.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Honestly, I can’t say I’m really missing out on that part,” Poe says with a shudder. “What’s he say to her that got him a script to the face?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“You know Mara. I think he told her she was a bit under the pitch.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“She’s always under pitch.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Well, we all know that, but apparently she doesn’t. She thinks the sun shines out her ass, so after he’d made her do the run again for the third time, she threw the script at him and stormed off stage.” Snap sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know why we don’t just get ourselves a new soprano. Keep an ear out, hey?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“I will. How’s the baritone working out?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Snap’s face scrunches up. “He’s alright,” he says grudgingly._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Why the face? What’s his problem?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“He’s not you.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Poe can’t help but roll his eyes, though he’s secretly pleased. “Come on, you can’t give him a hard time just because he isn’t me.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Sure I can. It helps that he’s also whiny and is pretty much always late to rehearsal.” Snap sighs. “Do you know when you’re coming back yet? I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but we miss you, man.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_It’s touching, and Poe can feel his heart sink a little. “I still don’t know.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_It’s mostly the truth, and as he walks through the rainy streets, he tries to talk himself into believing that he’ll go back to opera. He’s singing, he’s been practicing every day, just like Adi told him to, and he’s been making progress, more and more every week._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_But his range has shrunk. His tone is...different. He remembers a little graph Adi showed him when they first started treatment. It was just a little scale, with whispering at the bottom and opera at the top. He feels like a kid that’s just learned to ride a bike trying to train for an Olympic triathlon. In the spring, he’d been so certain he’d get there, but with fall looming on the horizon and his ‘I can safely sing this shit’ repertoire at a whopping three songs, he’s starting to lose confidence._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Coffees with Snap have gotten less frequent, and he’s pretty sure this is why. On regular days, he can almost forget opera. He bounces between organ and housewifery, trying his best to keep up with his practice and service prep, and that’s pretty much all the time there is. Luke has pulled him into church life, and he’s constantly tagging along to benefit dinners, women’s league fundraisers, congregational barbecues and hospital visits. He draws the line at Bible study, but it hardly matters; Luke gives him the summary over fresh cookies every Thursday night anyway._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_It’s busy, it’s fun, and he just asked last week if he could start a choir. It feels good, finding these extras to fill his time while he slowly nurses himself back to vocal health. Still...the look on Snap’s face floats back into his mind, stirring up his guilt once more._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_His questions fall out of his mouth as soon as he walks in the door of the priory, shaking the cold from his shoulders and hanging up his coat._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Luke?” He calls out, kicking his shoes onto the rack, “Do you think I should quit opera?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_There’s a heavy silence from the living room before Luke pokes his head around the door, reading glasses glinting in the soft light._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Do you want to?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Poe sighs, running a hand through his damp hair. “I don’t know.” He flops onto the couch, resting his head in Luke’s lap._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Luke tactfully removes his book and his glasses from the impact zone. “Tell me about it.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Poe digs his palms into his eyes. “It just feels so far away.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Mhm?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“And I know it’s closer than it was before, but...what if I never get there? What if I do and I re-injure myself? What if I go back and...and...”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Luke’s quiet in that irritating way he has, waiting for Poe to put his messy feelings into words. Finally, Poe lets his arms drop to his sides and looks up into Luke’s patient eyes._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“What if I go back and then I miss this?” He says quietly._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Luke’s eyebrows lift, hiding in his sandy hair. “Why would you miss this?”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“Opera...it’s a lot. It’s just...different than this. I’d be away a lot, especially if I was touring. I didn’t use to mind, but...”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_But that had been before Luke. Before losing the only thing that had ever made sense to him had made him look around his life for some kind of meaning. He’s always held on to going back to opera as his goal, but coming back to the safety of this little house makes him doubt if that’s really what he wants._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“I think I chose opera to start with because it was the only thing I knew how to do,” he admits. He runs his fingers over the soft wool of Luke’s cardigan, finding comfort in the repetitive motion. “I didn’t know who I’d be without music, so I just sort of...did that. It was what being the best musician meant, so I didn’t think about doing something like this. I avoided teaching like the plague and made enough so that all I needed to do was perform. I think I still want to perform, but for the first time in my life I think I’m seeing how a music life might be different.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_Luke doesn’t say anything, but he does start to run his fingers through Poe’s hair, which makes him want to curl up and melt into a little puddle. “I really like being here with you,” he murmurs, closing his eyes._ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_“I’m glad.”_ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**September 15th, 2017 <\b>** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke never does give an opinion on opera, no matter how hard Poe presses him on the subject. He just holds up his hands with that righteous, priestly look on his face and insists that it isn’t his decision to make.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I’ll be happy with as much of you as you’re willing to give,” he says when Poe talks about the schedule, which makes Poe want to both kick him in the shins and hold him tight.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**He still hasn’t made a decision by the time auditions for the church choir come up. He’s told Windu that he needs another season at least to make up his mind. He’s sure that, after another year, his voice will be as good as it’s going to be. He can leave off deciding until then. Windu grumbles, but agrees.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**So Poe throws himself into planning for a church choir. The audition is a formality, really. The congregation is so small he knows he’ll have to take whoever he can get, but he wants to make sure he gets to hear everyone first.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**He’s expecting all the little old ladies from the women’s league, so he’s surprised when the first audition slot is taken by Luke’s niece.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**She bounces in with careless confidence, messenger bag swinging from her shoulder and fresh with the smell of outside. Her grin is nearly as wide as her face as she throws her leather jacket onto a pew and comes to stand beside the piano.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“So, what are we doing?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Hi to you, too,” Poe says, a little shocked. He hasn’t seen her since the interrupted marriage counselling, and is surprised she remembers him. “How’s marriage 101 going?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**She grimaces, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure it’s important stuff, but honestly, I’m just ready to be married. It feels like high school, when they teach you about taxes and budgets and stuff. I don’t have any context yet, so a lot of it feels...”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Nebulous?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Yeah, that. I’m sure I’ll be happy we did it later on though.” She smiles at him again, “Got any good marriage advice to dole out? People have been telling us all kinds of weird shit.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Uh....” Poe blinks. “I’ve never been married before, so I don’t think I’m really qualified to comment.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“That doesn’t seem to stop anyone else.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe shrugs, “I mean, I think it helps to talk to each other. Ask for what you want, that kind of thing. Any time I’ve had a relationship go off the rails, it’s been because the people in it weren’t asking for what they needed from each other.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Rey cocks her head to one side. “Huh. That’s a pretty good one. It’s a lot better than ‘make sure you bang twice a week’.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe coughs, feeling a slight heat under his collar. “Well, I’m not saying that isn’t important or anything.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Rey bursts into peals of laughter. “Uncle Luke would say it’s the last thing to worry about.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe looks down at the piano keys, running a finger over the smooth ivory. The blush is getting worse, and he has an awful feeling that Rey can see it. “Yeah, I think maybe he’s keen on making sure you don’t open up to just anyone. Maybe he thinks it’s better with someone you really care about.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Oh, sure, it’s just weird to hear my uncle talk about ‘intimacy’ when I’ve known him all my life, you know?” Rey draws the quotes in the air with exaggerated care.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I can imagine,” Poe replies, suddenly very eager to change the topic. “So do you have a piece prepared?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**She does, so they sing. Well, Rey sings. Poe just leads her through scales and arpeggios, offering the odd comment on how she could get a richer sound. She passes him a copy of _O mio babbino caro_ that looks like it’s seen the wars, and he picks through the accompaniment as she sings. She manages the leaps well, holding a steady tone in spite of the slower tempo. It’s no Maria Callas, but it’s still very nice. Even better, she knocks his ear-training task out of the park.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**He looks up from the piano after she gets the last tricky interval and smiles. “Well, I think you’re in.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Wicked!” Rey’s face lights up. “When do we start?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I’ll send out an email as soon as I can get a choir of more than one soprano.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Lame, who needs more sopranos?” She teases, sliding into her coat. “Good to see you again, Poe,” she adds as she walks away, “say hi to my uncle!”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Sure will!” Poe calls after her. He shakes his head, trying to get any leftover ideas about Luke giving a lecture on ‘intimacy’ out of his head.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**It doesn’t work.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_***** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke’s not home when Poe unlocks the priory door, so he kicks off his shoes and heads for the couch. He lies back with a sigh, letting his mind wander back over the day’s auditions as the gas fireplace crackles away in its grate. None of the later auditions were quite as sparkling as Rey, but it had been a good turnout. Even a few tenors, which he’d been been pleased to see. All of them can hold a tune, and he’s excited at the prospect of diving into some real vocal work. Even better, they seem like they’re all going to gel, from quiet little Rose to the feisty Rey.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**He’s nearly dropped off to sleep right there on the couch when he hears Luke’s key in the door. “It’s open!” He calls, started from his comfortable daydreaming. He hadn’t realized how late it was getting, but dusk has left the living room decidedly shadowed. He sits up and switches on the lamp as Luke comes in, closing the door behind him with a sharp flick of his wrist that sets Poe immediately on edge.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Then he remembers that today was palliative care day and gets off the couch to go take Luke’s bag. Tough palliative care days can sometimes leave Luke deeply philosophical and slightly detached, but Poe’s shocked when Luke doesn’t even take his shoes off, just pulls him close, holding on to him like he’s about to disappear.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe lets him, running one hand up and down Luke’s back and trying his hardest to keep his worried questions to himself. He almost manages it, but when Luke slides a hand up to the back of his neck and pulls him down into a deep, insistent kiss, he feels like he should say something.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“You want some tea?” He asks when Luke comes up for air.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I just want you,” Luke whispers, an unfamiliar edge to his voice.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Okay,” Poe replies, even though it clearly isn’t. Luke is shaking a little, pressed close to him like they could become one person. Poe can feel his heart quicken, warmth blooming under his skin in the wake of Luke’s touch. It happens suddenly, but before he can really register the change, Luke’s fumbling with his belt.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Alarm bells split through the pleasant warmth.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Whoa, whoa,” he murmurs, reaching down to take Luke’s wrists in his hands. Gentle but firm, he guides them up and away from his waistband, panting a little as he pulls back.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke’s face crumbles a little as Poe steps away. “Did I...do you not want...” he trails off, blushing fiercely.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Oh, I want,” Poe replies with a breathless laugh, “I’m just not sure you do.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I do.” There’s a defiance in Luke’s voice that just makes the alarms in Poe’s head ring louder.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Okay,” Poe says gently, “I believe you, and trust me, I want to. This is just a really sudden change.” He links his fingers through Luke’s. “Can I at least make you tea first?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke nods and allows Poe to lead him to the kitchen. “Have you eaten anything since lunch?” Poe asks. Luke shakes his head.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Okay.” He puts the kettle on and rummages in the cupboard for bananas and peanut butter. It had been his favourite after school snack as a child, and it seems like Luke could do with some protein.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**While the tea steeps, he opens his arms and lets Luke curl into his embrace. They stand there silent in the dark kitchen until the egg timer screeches at them. Poe reaches over and turns it off, then places a kiss on the top of Luke’s head. “Tea in here or on the couch?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I, uh... I don’t really want to let go of you,” Luke whispers.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Here it is. Poe single handedly fishes teabags out of the cups. Then, snack plate in hand, he sinks to the kitchen floor, Luke still wrapped around him.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Snack first,” he says once they’ve settled.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**They both pick away at the banana slices. Luke’s quiet, but his grip around Poe’s waist relaxes a little as they sit. By the time Poe has reached up to grab their mugs off the counter, Luke’s loosened up enough to talk.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“The hospital was really hard today.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Do you want to talk about it?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I...I think I should.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Okay. I’m listening.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I went to visit the Andor-Rooks today. Cassian, he uh...well, you heard about his accident.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe nods. Cassian Andor had always been a bit of a daredevil, but his most recent motorcycle trip has landed him in the ICU at Coruscant General. Luke hasn’t mentioned it in a long time, but Poe still remembers the awful pallor in his face when they had first received Bodhi’s call.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke swallows hard, jaw tightening against Poe’s chest. “He’s not going to make it.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe can almost feel the tears rising up inside Luke like a wave. His voice cracks as he continues. “I just...he’s nearly the same age as you, Poe. I couldn’t get it out of my head all day, thinking about what I would do if that was you.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe’s stomach lurches in sympathy. It’s a terrible thought, and he holds Luke a little closer.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I just kept coming back to it,” Luke continues, “thinking about how uncertain life is, how we never know what’s going to happen next, how...” he trails off, voice tight with emotion.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe runs soft fingers through Luke’s hair, trying to keep his own emotions in check as understanding dawns.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I want you, Poe,” Luke whispers, “and I couldn’t help thinking that it’s just my fear of letting myself be close to you that’s been holding me back. And then I thought...I thought about how I would feel if...” he clears his throat before continuing, “if you were gone tomorrow and I never got to really be with you because I’d been too afraid.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe lets out a shaky sigh as goosebumps ripple over his arms. “Oh, Luke,” he whispers, holding him close. He can feel the hard questions forming in his mind, and how he doesn’t want to ask them, but his conversation with Rey that afternoon comes back to him and he takes a steadying breath. He tries to ask the question as kindly as possible.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Will having sex make you less afraid to lose me?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**To his surprise, Luke starts to laugh. “Oh no. I think it will make it worse.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe blinks. “Okay.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke pulls away enough to look up at him. The orange streetlight streams in from the kitchen window, glinting off his hair. “I think it will make it so, so much worse. I’ve thought that for...well, for a long time now.” Luke’s fingers are soft, hesitant, as he traces the line of Poe’s cheek. “What I don’t think I realized until today was that...well, that it’s already bad enough, if that makes sense.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe shakes his head. “I’m lost.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke smiles, nestling back into his place against Poe’s chest. “I think I thought that if we never...you know...did that...”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Sex,” Poe supplies, “it’s okay, you can just say it.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke shivers, “not right now, it makes my stomach do...weird things.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Fine.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Anyway, I thought that if we just waited, that I wouldn’t be in too deep. That I could always back out if something happened to you, that I’d be okay.” Like swallows, the edge returns to his voice. “Then I found out today that waiting wasn’t helping with that at all. I’m in pretty deep with you, Poe Dameron.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Oh good,” Poe murmurs, “I’m glad it’s not just me.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Then I felt like an idiot and wondered why I’d bothered waiting at all if it wasn’t helping me not worry about losing you. After all, if you’re messing me up this badly already, we might as well...do that...right?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I mean...do you want to?” Poe asks, leaning to look at Luke’s shadowed face. “Because I don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with because you feel like you should, or like you have to or something. So if sex is still freaky, we don’t have to. Some really smart guy said it was the least important part of the relationship anyway.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke laughs, and Poe finally starts to think this will turn out okay. The frantic edges are gone from Luke’s embrace, he lies relaxed against him, just like normal. “I think I might like to try,” Luke says at last.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe can’t help the shiver that races up his spine at the words. He fights to keep his voice calm. “Okay. But you should finish your tea first. Don’t want it to get cold.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke leans close to him, breath warm as he whispers in his ear, “I don’t give a damn about the tea.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**It’s slow and leisurely. Layers drop to the kitchen floor. Poe feels like a kid at Christmas, unwrapping a gift he’s been staring at for days and finding out it’s better and sweeter than he could ever have imagined. Luke stands pressed against him in the kitchen, close enough that Poe can feel each of their heartbeats.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I don’t think I know what to do after this part,” Luke says. He shifts his weight, sliding his knee between Poe’s legs. To Poe’s shame, this elicits a gasp and a jerk backwards that leads him to crack his elbow on the fridge.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Ow, shit!”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Did I hurt you?” Luke’s anxious question sends Poe into a fit of unceremonious laughter.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Only by being too damn hot,” he says as he gets his breath back.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Oh my god.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Look,” Poe says, running a hand up the back of Luke’s arm and delighting in the resulting shiver. “I know you’re keen to try this out, but can we go somewhere with less sharp edges?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**He had been thinking of the bedroom, but they settle for the couch, since walking and kissing is a little more than either of them can handle for any length of time.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**All the hesitation is gone from Luke’s movements as Poe lays back on the couch, pulling Luke after him. In fact, if anything, he’s gotten quite insistent, rolling his hips against Poe’s with a slowly building rhythm. His breath is warm and fast on Poe’s shoulder, punctuated with quiet moans that set Poe’s heart pounding in his chest. He’s barely reached between them to rub a palm over Luke’s dick when Luke stiffens above him and warmth splashes onto his wrist.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Is...is that it?” Luke pants.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Well, I hope not,” Poe replies, guiding Luke’s hand down to his own errection.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Oh!” The surprise in Luke’s voice is nearly too much, but Poe manages to keep the laughter in this time.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Unless you want to be done?” He asks, trying his best to be accommodating. Luke’s lips pull down into a pout.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“We just got started,” he complains. He flops down on top of him and it’s all Poe can do to keep from coming right then and there as Luke grinds into him.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Yeah,” he gasps, “yeah, we did.” Luke wiggles against him a little and he moans, arching his back to sink deeper into the pressure.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“So, are you okay to keep going?” Luke asks.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Yes, yes, yes,” Poe gasps, every muscle in his body straining to be closer to Luke, “Please.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke crosses his arms over Poe’s chest and looks down, suddenly still. “I’ve never seen you like this,” he observes. There’s a look in his eyes Poe doesn’t recognize, something between tenderness and wonder. He traces a finger along Poe’s jaw. Poe laughs, only a little wild.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Your fault,” he croaks.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Luke’s smile is wide and brilliant. “Amazing,” he whispers, sliding one hand down Poe’s side and making him moan in anticipation, “that you’re like this just for me.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Only you,” Poe gasps. Luke’s hand is so close, fingers tracing speculative circles on his hip, body staying stock still no matter how Poe strives for even the slightest bit of friction. Then, quite suddenly, Luke pulls away, a rush of cool air sweeping in between them. Poe looks down to see him sitting back on the couch, an unfamiliar glimmer in his eyes. Poe fights to get his body back under his control.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Are we...are we done?” He asks. He tries for nonchalance, but they both know he’s faking.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I don’t think you are,” Luke says softly, hands sliding slowly up Poe’s thighs, “and I want to do this right for you.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Now, don’t, ah...don’t take this the wrong way,” Poe says, fighting for breath, “but I really don’t think you can get it wrong.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Unless I stop?” Luke asks, lifting his hands.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**A mewling noise escapes Poe’s throat as he fights for control. “Yeah...yeah, unless you do that.” Luke lowers his head until Poe can just see his eyes over the edge of his hips.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“And what if I...just...go...slow?” He whispers, punctuating every word with a small lick along Poe’s shaft. All Poe can do is whimper in response.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Aaah,” Luke breathes, “you’d like that?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe nods. “Uh huh.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Good.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**It’s excruciating, but Poe can feel his orgasm begin to build as Luke’s tongue explores him, slowly at first, then building. He’s shaking, trembling with need in every limb, and when Luke finally takes him into his mouth, he comes in a shuddering rush that leaves him spent and panting on the couch.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I thought you said you didn’t know how to do this?” He murmurs as Luke slides up to lay across his chest.** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“I think I could do with some practice.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**Poe grins. “So we should do this again sometime?”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**“Definitely.”** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****__ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****November 30th, 2017 <\b>** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Poe walks through the snow with a spring in his step. Happiness bubbles inside him as he clutches Adi Gallia’s discharge note in his gloved hand.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“I don’t think you need me anymore,” she’d said with a gentle smile.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****For a moment, he’d been afraid, but she had walked him through all of his strategies, outlining all his progress, and assured him he could re-refer himself any time. It’s strange to be free of the treatment routine, but the closer he gets to the church, the wider his smile becomes.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****He’d prefer to run into the office and tell Luke right away, but remembers it’s the monthly board meeting. He isn’t sure he wants to tell the whole board about the discharge, so instead he heads to the sanctuary to practice.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****It takes a few moments of sitting on the bench of the old grand before he feels calm enough to play, let alone sing, and he takes himself through the normal routine of warmup, technique, and trouble spots in his Sunday rep. By the end, he’s found that sweet spot between excitement and calm that holds his best voice, and decides to try some of his Christmas pieces.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Luke still hasn’t told him exactly what the Christmas services are going to look like, but he’s picked out a few hymn choices anyway. He’s pretty sure things like Silent Night and O Come All Ye Faithful will fit in regardless of what Luke has planned. Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday, so whatever they plan, it should be a full house.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****He flips through his other Christmas pieces until he finds his favourite. O Holy Night has been waiting for him for months, and he’s made sure to build its octave jumps and long sustained phrases into his practice for the last several weeks. The low afternoon light covers the sanctuary in deep shadows, but all focuses on is the little halo of the reading lamp over his music.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****It feels amazing. The slips between major and minor, the way the melody gently builds up to the minor bridge, and the leap up to hover over a high G, letting his voice ring out to reverberate off the sanctuary walls. It’s right in the sweet spot of his range, and today he can feel every technical skill he’s been practicing for weeks fall into place like clockwork. He remembers Adi quoting Maria Callas and finally understands what it might mean to have the voice make love to the body.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****His heart is full as the last notes fade into the rafters. For the first time since his surgery, he really believes that he’s going to be okay. There’s a soft click behind him, footsteps, and the faint smell of incense that clings to Luke’s clothing whenever he’s in the church.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“I didn’t know you were here.” Luke’s hands slide over his shoulders and down his chest and Poe leans back into the embrace.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Session ended early,” he explains, lifting his head to meet Luke’s gentle kiss. He can feel the excitement bubble up inside him again as he adds, “Adi discharged me today.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“What?” Luke’s face lights up, “Poe, that’s amazing! How do you feel?”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Poe laughs, still giddy with the high from his practice, “Honestly, pretty great. How was the board meeting.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Horrendously routine and boring.” Luke sits down beside him on the bench. “What have you been working on?”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Just some Christmas rep.” He gestures to the stand. “I’m thinking I might have the choir add O Holy Night to their set. Rey’s been asking to try conducting, and I think this might be a good choice for her.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Christmas Eve service?” Luke asks, twining their hands together.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Yeah, I thought so. What do you think?”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“I think I’d like to hear you do it. Not to sound selfish or anything, but I still haven’t heard you sing.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Poe’s stomach does a little flip. “Oh. Right.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“But not if it would make you uncomfortable,” Luke adds, sensing his hesitation.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“No, no,” Poe shakes his head, “it’s just...I haven’t actually sung in front of anyone for...well, since before my surgery. I hadn’t really thought of that until now.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“You don’t have to,” Luke says quickly, “I shouldn’t have asked.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Don’t be silly,” Poe replies, kissing him on the cheek, “you’re a great first audience. But you can’t sit here, I need some elbow space.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Are you sure?”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Yes, I have a lot of elbow needs.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Luke squeezes his hand. “No, really, Poe. Are you sure? I know how important this is to you.” Poe looks over into Luke’s earnest blue eyes and wonders how he could ever have been so lucky.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Yeah,” he whispers, “I’m sure. You’re right, it is important, and I’m glad I get to share it with someone who understands that. Now,” he adds with a smile, “I mean it, you need to let go of my hand and get off the bench.”** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Luke slide off the polished wood to stand behind him. He takes a few seconds to reset, then begins to play.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****Somehow, with Luke in the room, everything’s different. He can feel it the moment he touches the keys, a kind of electric energy that crackles through the chords. He takes a slow, deep breath, steadying himself to sing. Time goes away, and until the last chord, he lives in the space between each note, knowing with some deep part of himself that it won’t matter how many times he sings for an audience after today, it will never feel like this again. Each lift of the melody runs through him like a fever, and in the suspension of the last line, he just lets the G hang in the sanctuary, almost unwilling to let it go and fade to the end of the piece.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****The darkened sanctuary collects the last traces of sound and Poe lets out a shaking breath he has been holding for over a year. It wasn’t a first time fluke. He’s got his voice back. Coming back to himself, he swivels on the bench. To his surprise, he sees tears glistening on Luke’s cheeks.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Poe, that was...that was more than beautiful. I don’t have any words for it.” He sinks to his knees between Poe’s legs, pulling him into a kiss. Poe can feel him shaking.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****“Thank you.” He sits there, Luke’s arms looped around his waist, unable to keep the grin from his face. He has Luke, and he has his voice, and everything will be absolutely fine.** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_**** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******December 17th, 2017 <\b>** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_****** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“You’ll be absolutely fine,” Poe says with decision, ignoring the terror that leaps into Rey’s eyes.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“But...but I’ve never done it all by myself!” She protests.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“That’s rubbish. You’ve always been doing it all by yourself. You’ll still be the person waving a baton around, whether I’m standing beside you or up in the balcony.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******They’ve been running the Christmas Eve rep for nearly three weeks now, and Poe’s confident that everything will be ready. It’s only Rey’s sudden realization that she’ll have to stand by herself to conduct that’s thrown them a bit off course. The two of them are sitting in a pew before practice, and he’s trying not to laugh out loud.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Look,” he soothes, “I know you’re nervous. That’s why we practice, right? Why don’t I go sit up there tonight? The church is still empty, so I can yell at you if you mess up.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******She groans. She’s been a delight to teach, so much so that he’s given her four pieces from their Christmas set, instead of the one he had planned. There’s something special about watching a student flourish, and that’s just what Rey’s done.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Fine,” she growls, “but we have to run your rep first so I’ve got time to warm up.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Warm up those shoulder muscles?” He teases, though he knows perfectly well what she means. He obliged her, taking the choir through the regular hymns and a somewhat acrobatic arrangement of the Holly and the Ivy.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Alright,” he says, closing his folder with a dramatic snap, “that’s it for me. I’m going to sneak off to the balcony and let the drill sergeant run the rest of rehearsal.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******There is a chorus of cheers as Rey takes his place at the music stand, and she blushes fiercely. “Thanks guys,” she mutters, “let’s give this stuff a go.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Poe smiles to himself as he makes his way to the back of the sanctuary and the balcony stairs. He starts when he sees a blonde figure in the shadows by the steps.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Are you spying on me?” He murmurs as Veni Emanuel begins to echo around the vaulted roof.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Luke grins, pulling him close and kissing his cheek. “I love watching you rehearse.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******His words send a shiver down Poe’s spine. “Oh?”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Yes.” Luke’s hand begins to slide beneath his shirt and he gasps.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Come up the stairs,” he whispers, “I’m supposed to be listening.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Can’t you hear just fine?” Luke asks, looking up at him with a wicked grin that Poe finds both alluring and unsettling.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Sure,” he replies, “but I’m about a minute and a half your niece is going to ask me for feedback on her conducting. Call me crazy, but I’d rather she not catch me necking her uncle.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Luke rolls his eyes, but lets Poe pull him up the balcony stairs and to a darkened pew in time for the final cutoff.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******As predicted, Rey turns to look up to the darkened balcony. “How was it?” She calls.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Poe leans down over the balcony railing, stifling a gasp as Luke’s fingers trace his waistband. “How do you think it went?” He asks.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Rey shoots him a defiant glare. “It was fine, this one is always fine.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Okay then,” Poe says, “what are you asking me for? On to the next piece.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******He leans back into the friendly shadows to listen, but is met instead with Luke’s lips pressed against his as the opening chords of Oh Holy Night float up to them. “I don’t think I’ll ever hear this again without thinking of you,” Luke whispers, breath tickling Poe’s neck.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“You have got to stop saying things like that,” Poe replies, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the sudden tightness in his jeans. Luke’s hand sliding down his shirt to rest on his crotch does nothing to help his focus. He can feel Luke’s smile against his lips.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Or else?” Luke asks.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“God is watching you, you know,” Poe says through gritted teeth.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Then let him watch,” Luke says, rubbing the heel of his hand slowly down Poe’s thigh.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******It’s almost fine. Poe breathes deep and is almost to the point of convincing himself that he can just suffer through this temptation, but then that goddamn minor shift swells below them. The diction is a little lost in the distance, but Poe knows the words, and he nearly comes in his jeans right there as Luke slips to the floor between his knees.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Angel voices be damned. All he can hear is the incessant swirl of the music and the pounding of his own heartbeat against his ribs. He feels his zipper open and as Luke’s mouth closes around him, he’s suddenly very grateful that this song has as many repeats as it does.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Rey must be doing an excellent job, because the choir’s dynamics are incredible. If it wasn’t for Luke’s tongue, he’d have something to say about them. As it is, he can only grip the edges of the pew and let the final refrain take him all the way, the last floating diminuendo carrying him down from the rush.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******He fights to catch his breath and leans down onto the balcony rail and trying to look as though he isn’t sitting in church with his jeans undone and a priest between his legs. Rey looks up at him, but when he gives her a jaunty wave, she just turns back to the choir and moves on to the next piece.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Poe collapses gratefully back into the pew, still breathing heavily. Luke slides back up to sit beside him, snuggling close to him.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“What was that all about?” Poe murmurs zipping up his jeans.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“I’m not sure,” Luke’s voice is soft, contemplative, “I just wanted you. I liked the challenge of not getting caught.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“You want to warn me next time?”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******Luke pulls away to study his face, “Did I upset you?”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“I was teasing you,” Poe assures him, guiding him back to rest against his shoulder. “Though I will say I wasn’t expecting you to be this...daring.” He kisses Luke’s forehead. “I think I kind of like it.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_********* ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******That night, he calls Mace on the old rotary phone in the priory and gives up his position in the opera. When Mace asks why, Poe just looks over to the kitchen where Luke is fixing tea. “Because I think I have what I need.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“And do you have what you want?” Windu’s voice crackles over the line.** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **

****_**_****_******“Yeah,” Poe murmurs, still smiling, “Yeah, I think I do.”** ** ** _ ** ** _ ** _ ** **


End file.
